'You'

When I am with you, we stay up all night, when you’re not here, I can’t get to sleep. Damn these two insomnias!.

  Out of every girl I meet, no other can compete. I'd ditch them all for a night with you. I know you don't believe you mean this much to me, but I promise you that you do.

  I haven't given up on us, I never will. I just stopped taking the first step, willing for things to happen.

Love Story

Three days after she had skipped his sixteenth SMS, three
 days after he had asked her to take the last
steps for him, no, for them, she had.

 "You love me."

He stared at her, his mouth agape,
slightly shocked. Others seemed bemused and
 their friends, from beside them, simply laughed.

"Wow, nice . Right detective-y, you are.
Cheers!"

"Yeah, you're a regular Sherlock!"

Others added
 helpfully, more aware of dating norms than his
 blue-blooded friends.

Friends, missing the reference,
still snorted appreciatively and nodded.

He remained thoughtfully silent and she appeared to
be quite flustered, possibly from the small exchange, but most
probably, from his ' lack of reaction '. Apparently, that's not all he wanted.

"Fine. What I mean is, we're in love. And you were...
well waiting for me to figure it out, yeah? And I did.
Well, I had figured it out way before, but you were
 maybe waiting for me to admit it?"

He had gotten up as soon as she had said
 "we're in love" and was mere inches away from
 kissing her when he suddenly stopped.

 "Wait, what?",he finally managed to croak.

"You knew! You knew and you didn't tell me? I didn't
know you knew!", She glared at him.

The question had been
rhetorical, but he was waiting. He was always
 waiting.

"Shut up! I love you, alright?"

 What followed was a kiss that would lead to
 something that was quite more than a kiss, which
 would eventually lead to a proposal, a few children, and
 then a happily ever after.

But what it started with was a few miss calls,some unopened text messages  a
rhetorical question and three small words. Well six, but only his friends
like to remember that part.

La Fotografía,

I never understood why he was so interested in that photograph.


Occasionally, before he went to bed, or in any private moment, he would slide it out and look at it. Any time he thought he was alone;he would trace the outline of her face in a photograph, familiarizing himself with her features. Rummaging in a drawer, 
fiddling with the contents of a shelf, it turned up in any possible place. It drew his crystal gray eyes and held them; 
and once he started looking at it, it was hard to look away from her lovely face.


The picture itself was worn; both from time and the touch of his fingers. The color was faded, the lined cracked. 
It had the look of a possession that was cherished, adored.
It shows a young girl. Her face is oval-shaped. Her thick hair falls in a dense black cascade down past her narrow shoulders.
Her tresses float softly around her face, framing it flawlessly. Everything about her is small, except her full lips and lustrous brown eyes. 
Her head cocked slightly to one side, she smiles the merest curl of her lips. A streak of sunlight slants towards her and plays on her face, 
illuminating the white of her skin and lightening her curls to a light golden brown colour, illuminating the smattering of her cheeks. 
Minute dust motes dance around her, visible only when the sun shines on them.


As he watches it his fingers slide across her face, her eyebrows, the curve of her cheek, the line of her flawless hair, and her white shoulders above the neckline of 
her t-shirt. It traces the slim arrow of her waistline. The act is so faultless you can tell he has done it several times and afterwards just drinks in her features, 
although he already knows them by heart.


The surface of the photo is worn by the motions of his hands over the course of many years.




I never understood his strange obsession. I had to see the girl this photo showed for me, to be able to understand. It wasn't until I saw the older version of her, 
recognizable by her most striking features; the thick scarlet mane, lightly puffy nose, soft brown eyes. She was no longer a little girl; 
she was a beautiful young woman.
At that time I understood that he treasured the photo because it was all he had of her. He had her picture because he couldn't have her. 
That picture was the reminder of his loss, 
his failure. If she was forbidden, he could at least have this piece of her, the only thing she allowed him.


For a long time I thought that he was in control of his emotions-he now understood what he could not have and accepted it.
 I thought he was content with just having a photo of her. 
I was wrong. He had known her and after she refused to acknowledge him, he was even more obsessive by anger, misery and craving. His obsession only fanned the flames of the fire. 
She had provided the spark, but it was he who nurtured it and allowed it to grow. There are still moments when his eyes glaze over and stare at her still face, memories fighting for his attention.


His behavior was cold as ice. He never allowed his face to show what he felt, schooling it until it was bland and inscrutable. He was completely unreadable and he could be scathing at times, his gray eyes no longer bright. But in those secret moments, her fire would melt the ice that surrounded his heart for the small amount of time. Fire and ice each fought for triumph, but ice that has survived and even thrived for so long cannot simply be melt, and fire so scorching cannot simply die.


One day I came across the photograph while looking for something in his cupboard. I couldn't help peering at it myself. Running it through my fingers, I flipped it backwards and saw two dates scribbled on the back. The top date is in perfect royal-blue cursive, but the bottom one, about two decades after the first one, is barely legible. A birth date and a death date,in my handwriting.

You're my dream

In my sky,at twilight

Like a cloud,you're mine.

Your form ,your colour;

Just the way,i love.

You're mine,i shout,

To the lazy wind.

And the wind hauls,

My widowed voice.

You're,so close that your hands ;

On my chest,are mine.

So close that your eyes close,

When i fall asleep.

In your eyes;

The land of dreams begin.

Solitary dreams believe,

you to be mine.

The depth of my eyes,you plunder

Find an ocean:by your name.

Blink,you're insomniac.

Here,another sad song.

No one else,love

Will sleep in my dreams.

Rest with your dream,in my dream

Love and pain,shall be asleep.

I love you because,

I know no other way, than this.

Where i do not exist,

Neither will you.

The wind,the night,the world;

Spins out a destiny.

Without you, I'm a dream

Only that ,and that is all.

It's always you!!!

It's you. It's always you.

The way you laugh. It fills my heart with happiness.

Your hair. Like flames. Lively, full of life, like you. Silky, defines you completely.

Your eyes. How they search for mine and lock onto them. How they completely astound me until I can't say anything.

Your hands. How they never let go of mine. How you search for me in a crowd, your cheeks rosy, eyes laughing, hand outstretched and your grip, not letting go. I'm yours forever.

Sometimes I just can't believe I have you.

How you beat people up if they say one word against me. How you never give up, not on me, not on anyone.You believe, and that keeps me strong.

My heart is yours.

How you turned down all the boys that liked you, for me . You didn't cry when I broke up with you. You looked at me. And you said you'd wait. And that's what made me go, made me fight, made me know I could do this because of you .

You're my first and last thought.

When that 'fangirl' attacked me, you Bat-Bogeyed her. You're a laugh, amazing, you make me the happiest person alive.

I love how when people say something flirty you shove it right back up their noses. I love you from your head to your toes.

I'm yours, and you're mine.

Well, until I have to share you with the kids we'll have. That I know we'll have.

Mini versions of us, right ?

Amazing.

Your eyes define you, and you define me.

Friends

Its just a seven letter word,but what matters is what that word implies.It doesn't matter where he/she is,its not something to fade,it's gonna be there.No matter how far you run,how hard you hide,friends are gonna find you ;)

that's the beauty of it

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY

Silence

The heart was given to be given away. I gave it away a long time ago and never really got it back. She was my everything and I just left her. Now I am a shadow, waiting for the right moment to go crawling back to her on my hands and knees. Her name was Nithya Menon and she was literally my everything. It all started the day I left.

I was sitting in the passenger seat of my moms black car on my way to the station. When we got on the road, I couldn't help but look back. I didn't say goodbye to any of my friends and they wouldn't know I was gone. Arvind, Neethu, and Ben wouldn't care, but I knew she  would. The way she stayed with me all the time was the highlight of my time in the distant culver city . I turned back to the road ahead of me and stared ahead a moment, before looking in the mirror to the road behind us. Not a soul. It was like a ghost-town this early in the morning. I sighed and banged my head against the window. My mom looked at me.

"What's wrong, honey?" she asked. I just shook my head and she - thankfully- let is slide.

When we got to the station, I couldn't stop my mind from going back to that little neighborhood in which was a pretty brunette girl with big, soulful brown eyes. As I boarded the train, I remembered her laugh and how infectious it was; her blush; her smile; her smirk; her snarl even! I had once seen her go from sweet and innocent to mean, cruel, and vicious in seconds. One time, she even growled at two guys who were giving us a hard time! I chuckled at the memory as a teenage girl sat next to me. Under normal circumstances, I would have been happy to ogle her, but I only noticed her brown eyes. They weren't as sparkly and pretty as Nitya's, however. I just glanced at her before looking out the window.

When I landed in Bangalore , I saw a girl dressed all in black and I immediately flashed back to the first time I saw Nitya. She was wearing a long sleeved black top, black jeans, and black sneakers. I sighed.

The next morning, I woke up in my old room, in my new two-person bed, feeling as alone as a hermit. I groaned and turned over, reaching out for the empty spot next to me. I felt only cold sheets under my fingers and I realized I had hoped for silken skin. Like the soft skin of Nitya's hand. I cursed myself and kicked off the sheets. I went down the hall to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. Damn I looked like hell. I got in and out of the shower as fast as possible.

I walked to the kitchen and looked around, stopping my unconscious search at the counter next to the fridge. I saw Nitya sitting on the counter of my house  as I rummaged in the fridge for anything close to being edible. I sighed in frustration and decided to skip breakfast. I walked out the door and looked down the street to the left automatically. I waited a second, just staring. Disappointed that Nitya wasn't walking over, I climbed onto my bike and pulled out of the driveway. When I was on the road, I waited before glancing at the emptyness beside me. I cursed myself for wanting Nitya to be there, holding my hand.

I walked into the grocery store and looked around. A flash of brown hair caught my eye and I caught my breath. Then I realized it was just my imagination. I felt my heart sink and I knew I missed Nitya.

Four years went by like the blink of an eye, following a routine: wake up, miss Nitya, take a shower, skip breakfast, go to college, look for Nitya, wish for Nitya's hand to hold, go out, day dream about Nitya, come home, eat dinner, go to sleep, and dream about Nitya. And then I do it all over again. And after four years, I still haven't visited her.

One day I decided to break the routine. I packed up my guitar and headed to Goa. After I had been there for a week, I started packing up. Then, out of the fogs of time, came a musical laugh. My heart stopped, my head shot up, my eyes searched. My breath caught in my throat. There was a beautiful girl with long, wavy brown hair in a black diva shirt, holding a black surf board with red skulls on it, surrounded by greasy guys. At that moment, I thought maybe, just maybe, I might be able to get over Nitya. The a cute pixie like black hair girl came over and started yelling at the guys. They scattered and she turned to the brunette.

"And you!" she yelled, "You better get your ass in the van before I hit you with your own board, Nitya!" I gasped. That was Nitya! I walked over to them. Nitya was in the middle of an eye-roll when she saw me. She dropped her board and stared open mouthed and wide eyed as I made my way over to her. I stopped a few inches away from her. Her eyes were a startling chocolate brown. Definitely my Nitya.

"Nitya...Nithya, right?" I asked. She nodded slowly.

"Saurabh... When...? How...? Why...?" she stuttered. I smiled and brushed my hand over her cheek.

"Oh, Nitya... You have no idea how much I've missed you... God, I was such an idiot for leaving..." I murmured and she grinned.

"You know, I could tell you just how big an asshole you were, but I will forgive you on one condition." I nodded eagerly. I'll do anything for her.

"Name it." I said. She dropped her grin and touched my cheek.

"Kiss me..." she murmured. I smiled and leaned closer. Her lips tasted like sugar and metal, copper and salt, blood and candy. I was in heaven. She ended the kiss and looked at me.

"I should go. My cousin is waiting." she said and tried to leave. I grabbed her.

"Please... Don't leave me again. You've left me so many time... Every time I see you, you never stay... Every time you're in my dreams, I lose you again..." I whispered. She turned to me and stared at the tortured look in my eyes.

"Tell me how it feels... to have you whole heart stepped on and crushed by silence." she said and looked away. 
"You could have at least said goodbye." she whispered. I hugged her.

"I am so sorry, Nitya. I love you." I whispered into her hair. She sighed.

"To me, love is just another four letter word." she said and walked away. I stared after her as she left me.

"It feels like hell. Goodbye, my Nitya." I whispered.
 

Silence... It was a blessing to some; a peaceful moment. But for me, it was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. Goodbye...

My Nitya.

When it rains

I stood, numb. There was no other way to feel. No other way, because I had constantly begged myself- begged her- that this didn't happen. But why? Why?

It was the only question I wanted answered. I didn't want to know how she did it, or where, or what she did it with, even though I knew all of this already. Every question I didn't want to know the answer to was given to me on a silver platter, but she took the last- the only answer that mattered- with her.

I guess she forgot I was part of the deal, too.

It was safe to say I never saw it coming. Nobody did. She was a crappy liar, and I could always see through her. But why, the only time it ever mattered, did I fail? Why did she leave me here with not even a god damn answer!

And like an echo in my head, I heard, 'I have my reasons.'

She always said she hated being a burden, but didn't she know she was only making things worse? She had left me blind. I didn't know what to feel; to blame her or me. And of course, naturally, they would jump to the latter.

'Is this what you wanted?' I thought to rain splashing wildly all over the place. 'How could you!'

I began to sob- the only time I cried about this, because I knew she knew. And I wanted to make her feel guilty. I wanted to make her feel the same way I was feeling.

"How could you do it!" I shouted into the rain.

And the rain carried her answer right back down.

'How could you let me?"

Nocturno

Bells are ringing, invading my room

like reminding me the twilight of my last hour.

I can't believe it. Not yet.

Aspiring an inmortal life, now I just

walk in the edge, 

without being in this side nor the other one.

Tan, tan, tan.

Time has come to look for death

but never in myself. No, I can't do it.

Even such a long existence

hasn't taken away my fear to death.

Because I don't want to be a nobody,

Because I want to hear someone calling me,

'Cause I want to laugh and cry,

'Cause I want to keep searching...

Searching what? Something new, maybe,

Something to take me away,

From my astonishment.

Tan, tan, tan.

Time to feed me from death

but I never give all myself to her.

I breath out of habit, 

My blood flows without heartbeats;

I'm a shadow hiding in every street.

I'm dead, but I'm still living. I live dead.

My soul refuses to leave my body,

and I refuse to force it to do so.

Tan, tan, tan.

Even the loneliest know 

they're not alone at all

because they know they 

laugh, cry, bleed, love and die

as any other human, but me...

I'm not human anymore. I'm lonesome.

I see whom are forced to die,

But I'd be pleased to change 

my fate with them:

I'm forced to exist.

Now the twelve bells

Have announced the start ,

my dark day,

And here it is, 

this letter to the night,

 my only lover;

To the life and death 

I've never had,

The lost words 

of the wind's whisper.

Always

I'm always going to defend you
I'll do it no matter what
I'm always going to stand by you
I don't care if you're guilty or not
I'll give you the benefit of the doubt
I'll never again suspect you
Even with all the rules you flout
I know I'll always protect you
People will say stuff; I'll make excuses
I'll do whatever I can
I'll try and ensure the hurt on you reduces
I'll endeavour to make you a free man
And I'll make sure that all the secrets I know
Are buried it as deep as they can
I'll plant things over it and make it grow
I'll make sure you remain a free man
I will fight to prove your innocence
I'll die if it means you stay free
And I'm sure you'll know, in a sense
That I did it for you and not me
People shun my name but I don't care
As long as they don't shun yours
I'll defend you against anyone anywhere
You're one of the few I know I'll kill for
'S long as you have a place in my heart, my friend
I'll always be looking out for you
I depend on you and on me you can depend
I'm always going to protect you
I'll overlook your many sins
I'll forget about your flaws
'Cause I know that your soul within
Is good and whole and pure
I'll do whatever I can, somehow
If it's your soul I get to save
I'll die with your secret, right from now
I'll even take it to my grave
I'll always cover up for you
Even if morals and laws are above you
Your secrets are safe with me, too
'Cause, my friend, I love you

Crescendo

You can hear your heart pounding in your chest as you approach, the distinct beat of its own marching as it thrills at the sight of something that you never imagined you would meet again. The world outside of the chemistry between the two of you cries out in hollowness at what it can't offer you - this chance meeting with an old friend.

Different sides of you battle; hesitance makes your feet pause. Tons of others have been here before - ready, prepared. They don't have the history that you two do.

A history that's littered with faults and blame, you had walked away while this wonderful thing stayed, patiently waiting for the day when you could grace her with your presence again. You force your feet forward - she shouldn't have to wait any longer...not after everything, all this wasted time.

"Hello," you say out loud since no one else is listening.

She doesn't return the favor but it's not because she doesn't care. She'll speak when you're both ready. Sitting, you pull yourself closer to her - daring for the first time in so long to reach up and feel. It's as if you can already tell that something deep inside is aching to come out.

The first word that sounds from her is sudden, startling you as you jump a little and pull your palms back - only to place them exactly back where they just were. Again, she speaks...this time the way her voice pulses makes your heart rattle more.

A melody comes through and she talks faster still as your fingers begin to fly quicker - memories of a long forgotten tune float to the surface and abruptly there is moisture on your cheek.

And then another block interrupts you; there's just so much hazy dust to uncover in this newly broken silence. She waits for you - of course she does. This is the kind of life you were made for, because there is no you without her. There is no sound without the notes she creates. There is nothing on this earth that can stop the rush of air in your lungs when that final tone reaches the climax.

So you begin again - thrilling her at the simplest of touches. With every new sound, something inside you reawakens - long lost territory that is all too familiar yet all so distant. Maybe it is all the same as it was back then, but then neither of you care. You'll discover the new once you rework in the old.

The end is suddenly here but you can't stop because you can't let go; not again. Her voice allows relaxation. After all, you can end this when you choose to.

Play again, she pleads in a final whisper. The sob you have been holding in seems to strangle your insides when you finally let it bubble up your throat. There is more moisture on your cheek, and as you try to swipe it away with your hand, you notice your best friend in the corner.

His smile is soft as he walks near you both. "I never knew you could play the guitar Viggy," he murmurs.

With a chuckle you look up to him and reply, "That's because I don't play the guitar...she plays me."

I can roar...

Humility, they say

be humble, do not express

your pride

But I am done hiding

my light

I can bake

a motherfucking cake

In an apron that says

laissez les bons temps rouler

(it rhymes if you say it right

so just try to say it right

because I won’t correct you anymore

because I used to

and that shit is rude)

I am made of humorous things

mostly directed at myself

but damn if I am not the best friend

that you will ever know

my heart, this big and wounded thing

well shit, bitch…it trusted you

and some day

oh some day

it needs to be held in the palm

of your hands and cradled

because I am not always so strong

I am a brainy guy

and my hands are just like my dad’s

strong

they build things

pictures with words

things with yarn and beads

and fabric and fluff

things that are nothing

things that matter

they hold yours in tough times

and reach out when they need

sometimes

I am talented

I am good

I deserve the things I’ve denied myself

and instead of sitting

and waning

pitching pathetic

I can roar

Come to me...

Come to me in the dark of the night
And whisper my name 
In your rhythmical, pacific, voice
Gently hold me close to you
And let me fall asleep
On your magnetic chest

Let my first vision of daylight
Be accompanied by your quiescent,
Genteel, body next to mine
Your beautiful eyes shut,as you dream,
I delicately wake you  
With a gentle warm kiss

Walk with me to the ocean
And smell the sweet sea
As the rising sun warms the sand
Sit with me on the beach
And let's listen to the sound 
Of the dancing waves

Time to walk away....

There's the silhouette of two broken angels on the wall, and I guess that's us. Before, before you even speak, promise me you'll leave here without ever remembering  the roads to return. I burnt out all the candles, at the reception praying for faith and  hope and deliverance, a single white dove and  a symphony of angels to save us from this. Cause Babe, I've been  loving you forever and now it just  breaks me to speak, but we've thrashed each other around these walls so long; it's hard to remember a time when we could just talk. My throat's burnt out  from the fighting and there's nothing  left in here to give to you  from inside. For all these years  we've given up, and broken down,  risen up and beaten love to find each other again; now I can't even look  you in the eyes or find the words  to say good-bye. Darlin', no matter what  the final words remember they'll  fade to grey. Just as the credits  will roll... till everything we  were to each other will fall between  dreams and memories, and the I love  you's we've been screaming will find a fresh face. But we're leaving empty, except for this solid love that's hollowed us on the insides. I know it's hard,  but it's hard...  we walk away.

Black Veil...

My sad eyes,
Blurred by tears,
Heart broken,
By the world they now see.

My sad eyes,
Now look down,
Afraid to look upon,
All thats black.
My sad eyes,
Full of aqua blue,
The whitest of white,
So wonderess,
Yet so pained.

My sad eyes,
The all seeing,
The all feeling,
The all knowing.
My sad eyes,
One tear holds,
A hundred different reasons,

For there sadness.

My sad eyes,
Please someone

Wipe away the hurt,

Behind the black veil.

In the rain...

In the rain,
In sorrow and in pain,
A small child,
Cries in the rain…
The small child hides,
Under a tree,
So no one can see him,
Crying in the rain…
Then he sees the tree,
And sees it weep,
It is a Weeping Willow,
Crying in the rain…
The rain still pours,
But the child does not weep.
However, the willow is still
Crying in the rain…

prayer

Ageless, faceless flame
I dare myself to bleed.
Thou shalt understand
my most obscure need.

Only if you knew...

Here I stand beside the person I love most,
the person to which I feel mostly close.
The phone begins to ring as it never stops.
Like an anchor my heart soon drops.
In the water it digs, deeper and deeper .
Until tears begin to flow, silent .
Slowly after the call is missed ,
my sadness begins to grow.

As I tell you what I fear most,
you comfort me in the things,
I want to hear most.
That you and I can never be lost,
Our souls are one.
But inside i feel hallow as a ghost..
Here we sit slowly my soul is yearning
To hear the things I always hear.

"baby i love you. no one compares"

I kiss you on the cheek slowly
And tell you things will be okay,
Wishing that somehow,
I could disappear and go away.
For I wish for you to be happy ,
And I have nothing else to be said...

chek thz..

http://rapidshare.com/files/393637361/4K_-_Emily_s_song.mp3.html

Hoping The Sun Doesn't Rise

Reality, has fallen out of my hands

The world, makes lies it can't understand

The day i saw you with another man

Things were blown , its changing time



When change confronts me, I always shield my face

Because of you, I have managed to lose my place

Abused and sore, I remain broken hearted

My clarity it seems I have discarded



All that time I spent with you ,in vain

Even now you're still a pain,

You haven't changed

Still playing the same tiring games


Selling your broken body to ease your pain

I'm wondering why it don't make you feel insane

Do you fell like you're home and safe again

Where mamma's there healing the cuts you make



But I guess it's too late, we all lose our ways

Forever you will be there and again in your cage

But you aren't even the problem anymore

It's all this hurt that has washed ashore



I don't know just what to do with it at the moment

I always receive nothing,but always do what I torment

And if is this as good as it gets,then its;

Living this life with so many regrets



But I will hope for the sun not to rise

I'm hoping to clean the blood from out my eyes

The beautiful stars will burn out and fade

Angels will descend to wrap me in their case



And no longer will I have to tolerate,

Those exuberance in trance and probes

For the angels bring thier mighty sores

SO every ghost that brings fear'll go


Things might turnout better in this

Horidly messed up living status

If and only if for this day ,hope;

The sun doesn't rise